He Called Me a Doormat… and He Was Right

For the last few weeks, I’ve been sitting in dark rooms, in silence, just trying to hear God’s voice. I’m desperate for His guidance… because I no longer know how to guide myself through the storm I’ve been calling life.

I think I’m stuck in the “why” part. Why is this happening? Why now? Why me?

I’ve always believed that life’s trials teach us something valuable for the future — but damn, this hurts. This is the kind of lesson that leaves bruises on your spirit. And even though I know I’ll come out wiser… today, I’m just tired.

Lately, I’ve had some painful realizations. About my marriage. About myself.

Let’s start with me…

I’ve spent most of my life putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I gave and gave until there was nothing left — and then still gave more. I always made sure they were okay, even while I was breaking inside. I’ve lived off emotional scraps. And I wore that like a badge of honor, like being selfless made me lovable.

About ten years ago, my husband told me I was a doormat. I was hurt, offended. I thought, How dare he? But now… I can’t lie to myself anymore.

He was right.

I’ve let people walk all over me for so long that I don’t even flinch when I’m being disrespected. And the hardest pill to swallow? I’ve been the biggest doormat in my own marriage — and for him, that was perfectly fine… as long as it worked in his favor.

I gave him grace. Forgave him. Welcomed him back into my heart over and over again — when I had every reason to walk away. I stayed, because I believed in marriage. I believed in us. I thought we deserved the chance to grow and heal.

But now? I’m seeing him clearly.

He has always made decisions based on his wants and needs — without even considering me. A few months ago, he told me he’s moving out. His tone was cold. Final. Like he was announcing a trip, not dismantling our life.

He was feeling himself — confident, self-assured. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s financially fine without me. Meanwhile, I’ve been over here scrambling just to keep food on the table.

And yet… the irony? He’s now in a financial crisis. He can’t afford to leave like he planned. And for the first time in our marriage, I can’t save him. I don’t have it to give. I’ve carried him through job losses, layoffs, moments when he didn’t have a dollar to contribute. I covered him more times than I can count.

But now… I’m drowning too. And I can’t save someone who never tried to save me.

And the truth? Emotionally, I want him to leave now. That part shocks me. I thought I’d be broken without him — but now I realize I’ve been doing life alone for a long time. He’s been physically present, but emotionally gone for over a year. And I’m done living like this.

My wedding ring has been off for almost two months. And I feel the edges of my freedom inching closer every day. Freedom from rejection. From begging for love. From feeling like I’m never enough.

I don’t want to live in his emotional cage anymore. I want out.

And I know now… I’m ready.

I used to fear doing life without him. But now I see: I’ve already been doing life without him. The only difference is, I get to do it on my own terms now.

Because this time?
She chose herself.

“Sometimes the people who call you a doormat are the same ones wiping their feet on you.”

With love + truth,
💔 Aria Monroe 💗
Healing in real time. Choosing herself on purpose.