He Came Home at 1AM… But Not to Me

He came home last night… but not to me.

It was around 1AM when I heard the door. For a split second, I wondered if he’d come upstairs. Maybe climb into bed, say something… even just acknowledge my existence. But he didn’t. He went straight downstairs, slept there, and then got up in the morning, got dressed, and left for work like nothing happened.

And that’s when it hit me—he came home, but not to me.

Maybe he hasn’t really been coming home to me for a long time. Emotionally, he’s been gone. I’ve felt it. But something about him physically sleeping in another space made it all so real. It wasn’t just in my head. It wasn’t just a feeling. It was right in front of me. He’s already given his heart, his time, and his energy to someone else.

And honestly… I think what hurts the most is knowing that someone else is getting the best version of him.

I stood beside him through his storms. I supported him financially, emotionally, spiritually—I believed in him when he didn’t believe in himself. I gave grace, over and over again, while he found his way. I poured into him. And now that he’s become everything I thought he could be… he doesn’t want me.

That part still breaks something in me.

I keep asking myself, “Was I that hard to love?” “Am I not enough?” I thought love would be enough. I thought forgiveness and loyalty would be enough. But now I realize—love alone doesn’t save a relationship. Especially not when it’s one-sided.

He told me I didn’t put him first. And maybe he’s right. Maybe I didn’t. But it’s hard to put someone first when you’re constantly recovering from the wounds they’ve left behind. It’s hard to pour love into someone who leaves you feeling empty. I didn’t notice how far apart we were growing. Or maybe I did, and I just didn’t want to accept it.

We became roommates a long time ago.

Now, I’m just seeing it clearly.

He still wears his wedding ring like it means something, but we both know this marriage hasn’t been real for a while. There’s no intimacy. No communication. Just silence and space. And now that he’s emotionally left me, I realize I’ve been left with no choice but to figure out how to finally choose myself.

For years, I gave everything to him. Everything to my children. Everything to my family. And I never gave myself a chance to discover who I am. What I need. What truly makes me happy.

I don’t want to be who I was before him. I want to be better—stronger, wiser, more confident. I want to protect my peace. I want to put me first. I want to love myself in a way I never thought I deserved to be loved. I’m ready to nurture the woman I lost along the way. I’m ready to rebuild.

And even though this hurts in ways I can’t explain…

I’m trusting that God has a plan.

I’m trusting that this heartbreak is not the end—but the beginning.

I’m ready to choose me.

Finally.

“Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger. But one day, you’ll stop bleeding and start blooming.”

— Unknown

With love + truth,

💔 Aria Monroe 💗

Healing in real time. Choosing herself on purpose.