Releasing Him… So I Can Choose Me

This morning, alone in a hotel room, I cried so hard my body shook. I cried from a place so deep inside me that I didn’t even know existed. The kind of cry that comes from the soul. I wept and I prayed. Prayed and cried. The pain in my heart has become unbearable, and all I could do was beg God to set me free.

Free from the hope that he’ll change his mind.
Free from the need for him to want me.
Free from the ache of still loving someone who no longer chooses me.
Free from waiting to be seen. To be held. To be loved.

It’s almost impossible to heal when he still comes home every day—but only because he has nowhere else to go. There’s no connection anymore. No warmth. No partnership. Just silence. Just distance. Just coexisting. I know he’s only here for financial reasons, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t come home at all. Because honestly? That would be easier than watching him ignore me. Easier than pretending this shell of a marriage still resembles what it used to be.

I don’t want anyone but him. But I’m learning—wanting someone doesn’t mean they’re meant to stay. And as painful as that realization is… I vow to let him go. From my heart. From my mind. From the hope that he will ever be the man I once believed he was.

We were a lesson for each other. Not a forever.

I don’t know what I taught him. But he taught me this:
Never give so much of yourself to someone else that you have nothing left for you when they leave.
Never love so deeply that you forget to protect your own heart.
Love is not enough.
And everyone leaves.

Maybe I’m meant to walk the rest of this life alone. Maybe not. But right now, the fear of being alone forever feels less terrifying than staying in something that already made me feel invisible.

I stayed away last night because I couldn’t bear to wake up next to him on our anniversary. I couldn’t be reminded—again—that I am no longer loved by the man I gave everything to. That was more than my heart could take.

But today, I took my first step toward healing:
I am releasing him from my heart.
Not because I don’t love him—but because I love me more.

I’m letting him go. Peacefully. Freely. Completely.

Because this time…
She chose herself.

Quote:
“Some of the hardest goodbyes are the ones you never imagined you’d have to say… to the person you thought would never leave.”

With love + truth,
💔 Aria Monroe 💗
Healing in real time. Choosing herself on purpose.