She Chose Herself

I don’t even know how I feel today. There’s this restlessness in my spirit that I can’t quite name. But I know I want to get out of the house. I want to feel free again. I want to take myself on a date, get dressed up, go somewhere beautiful, and remind myself that I am still here. Still worthy. Still whole—even in the absence of companionship.

Because if I’m being honest, I’m lonely.

Not just for company—but for closeness, tenderness, connection. I miss what it felt like to be part of a marriage. I miss the daily texts. The “just thinking about you” calls. The flirtation. The soft touches. The shared care. I miss someone checking in, asking if I’m okay, looking out for me. I miss being seen in that way.

And I’m tired.
Tired of being sad.
Tired of waking up every day with a heaviness in my chest.

I’ve lived in grief for over six months. And while healing doesn’t have a timeline, I’m ready to feel something else—something lighter. Something like peace.

The truth is, as much as I’m grieving the loss of my marriage, I have to be honest with myself about what I’m really missing. If I look back clearly, the good moments were rare. Somewhere along the way, chaos became normal. I got used to being disappointed. I got used to the silence. I stayed because I had hope. I stayed because I loved him. But love should never feel like survival.

And I don’t want that anymore.

I’m done holding onto pain.
I’m done begging for love that stopped choosing me.
I’m done believing that the bare minimum was all I deserved.

I want the calm after the storm.
I want to smile without faking it.
I want to laugh again—really laugh.
I want to know what it feels like to be genuinely happy without bracing for the next letdown.

I want to expect joy.
I want to expect peace.
I want to expect love that feels safe, consistent, and true.

And I’m finally realizing—I can give all of that to myself.

If I don’t love myself…
If I don’t speak kindly to myself…
If I don’t treat myself with dignity, grace, compassion, and softness—
Why should I expect someone else to?

So I’m starting here. With me.

I’m going to date myself.
I’m going to dress up just for me.
I’m going to take myself out, light candles, write letters to my own heart, journal my healing, and create moments of beauty for no one else but me.

I’m going to talk to myself gently.
I’m going to nurture my body, protect my mind, and pour into my spirit.

I will not rush this.
I will not shame myself for still feeling.
I will give myself grace.

Because no one else can offer me the kind of love I truly deserve until I learn to offer it to myself.

And I’m learning.
I’m loving.
I’m letting go.

I’m ready to love me.
I’m ready to choose me.

Because this time…
She chose herself.

Quote:
“If you want to be loved gently, sweetly, consistently—start with how you love yourself.”

With love + truth,
💔 Aria Monroe 💗
Healing in real time. Choosing herself on purpose.